Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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