i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
