if you like me you must not know who I am
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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