I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
