Michael Bay diarrhea
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
