**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
