i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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