Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
