Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
