i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
