hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
