It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
