No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
