why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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