So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
