Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
