I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
