ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
