Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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