I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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