Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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