You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I pour the whiskey from now on
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