Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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