I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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