im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
