is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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