its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
