As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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