R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
