So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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