I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
