Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Everyone says I win the strip club
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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