i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
