how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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