She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
