I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
