Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
