i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
