May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
