Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
