my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
pray to the hookup gods
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
