i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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