How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
