Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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