so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
