i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
