Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
