K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
