I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
