Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
