my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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