My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
