We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
